Accept Your Mate

During our engagement I remember insisting over and over again that Harry was the perfect man, but soon the intimacy of marriage revealed faults and habits in my "perfect" mate that irritated me. I decided married life would be more enjoyable if he would conform to my ideas of how a perfect mate should order his life. It was almost as if an unseen force compelled me to "help" him overcome his deficiencies and become more acceptable to me, my family, and others. This pattern continued for a number of years without success.

A great deal of marital discord arises when one partner sets about trying to change the other, for it is basic to our happiness to feel respected, liked, and accepted as we are. We feel uncomfortable when under pressure to change our habits, personality, or preferences. Especially at home it is imperative that we learn to accept differences, tolerate idiosyncrasies, and respect individuality.