A Woman's Whole Existence

Love is necessary for all human survival, and it seems that females have a great capacity for love—both to give and to receive it; an example, is a woman's great capacity to love surfaces when she picks up needle and thread to mend the tear in a shirt. When she prepares a meal, her love mingles with the food. When she rises for the two o'clock feeding, she does so with love. When she dresses the baby, love is the crowning drive. When she frosts a birthday cake, love shines through. When she feeds a stray kitten at the backdoor, she has tapped her love resource. When she gazes romantically into the glow of a warm fireplace, it symbolizes her love.

A woman's capacity to love can draw the very best from a man—so inspiring him that he may lay aside a life of crime. Her love can spark lope and renewed trust in a man—even making him feel wanted', worthwhile, important, and almost great; the wave of her hand as she leaves in the morning and her warm greetings when she arrives home are fight evidence her love. When his nerves are shattered and signs of exhaustion surface, her love can comfort him. When discouragement crushes him and his hopes and dreams have crumbled, she can help him 'wild new ones.

The world needs the gentle, loving, affectionate touch of a woman, and the love within her merely awaits the right man to tap its fountain of warmth and affection. But women also have a great capacity for love. Not only are they capable of sharing vast amounts of affection, but they also have a large capacity to absorb love in return. As Lord Byron put it in Don Juan: " Man's love is of man's life a thing apart, 'tis a woman's whole existence" (I, 194). And the key to her own storehouse of love lies within the hands of the man who offers to her marital happiness and emotional security by returning that deep affection
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Often before marriage; when a young man woos a young woman, he persists night and day with loving words and tender deeds. But once he has won her as his bride, he often fails to recognize her intense need to feel loved on a day-to-day basis for the rest of her life.

Because of her capacity for affection, daily expressions of romantic love are vital to a woman's existence. It is the key to her self-worth, her satisfaction with married life, and her sexual responsiveness. If a man feels trapped in a bored, tired marriage, he might look to himself for part of the answer. By consistently and thoughtfully expressing romantic love, many men could melt even the most frigid wife.

One bewildered husband complained of not being able to understand his wife. "I have given her everything she wants and needs. We have a custom-built home in the best section of town, microwave oven, color TV, and the whole bit. I'm a faithful husband who doesn't drink or beat the kids. But she says she's miserable, and I can't figure out why!" This man didn't realize that his wife would trade the custom-built house and all its conveniences for a few affectionate words from him. Microwave ovens and color televisions do not make a woman feel cherished, but being somebody's sweetheart does.

Many men are nearly totally unaware of a woman's need for romantic love, because for centuries society has focused on women meeting the sexual needs of their husbands. It might even be that some men would settle for a business arrangement of sorts in marriage as long as it included meals, housekeeping, hostessing, and sexual privileges as the occasion called for them. Romance might be an added benefit, but certainly not a requirement.

Not so with a woman! Such a relationship would drive her wild with frustration. She must have something more meaningful. She yearns to be someone special to her husband—to be cherished, respected, appreciated, and loved. Only recently has it surfaced that a woman's needs for emotional fulfillment is every bit as pressing as is the male's seed for sexual release. It is as unjustifiable for a man to ignore his wife's need for romantic love as it is for her to deny him his sexual yes.

This explains why a homemaker spends so much time thinking about her husband during the day, why an anniversary is more important to her than it is to him, and why she feels so frustrated when her husband forgets such courtesies. It also explains why a woman constantly "reaches" for her husband when at the end of the day he gets home and settles comfortably behind the newspaper or in front of the television.

Emotional security is the ultimate goal in a woman's life. Therefore, many a woman continually seeks reassurance from her husband by asking him to do something for her that she could easily do for herself. His willingness serves as a measure of his love and regard.

Sometimes a woman expects her husband to do what she wants done without being asked, because she sees this as an evidence of even a greater degree of love for her. Consequently, she may not always tell him what she really wants done. And if he fails to do what she desires, she becomes indignant.

This female phenomenon often shows up in our home. I am very capable and self-sufficient, but I will often draw the line at such a small task as filling the gas tank in the car. It has nothing to do with male-female role. Instead it is linked to my need for emotional security. If Harry assumes this responsibility, he has reassured me of my place in his affections.

At times this can go even one step further. Sometimes a wife may deny that she wants what she actually does want. If her husband takes her at her word, she feels disturbed. She rationalizes that she is sc important to her husband that he should understand and meet her desires, regardless. For example, misunderstandings often occur in the bedroom as a result of such female behavior. He makes sexual advances, and she withdraws. In an effort to be considerate of her wishes, be turns over and tries to sleep. At this point, she might cry or nurse hurl and angry feelings. Why? She assumes that she should be so irresistibly attractive that her husband will persist in his efforts despite all the obstacles she puts in his way. If he doesn't insist, she concludes that he doesn't love her enough, and her emotional security becomes threatened.
Such game-playing causes tremendous confusion. Women should learn how to verbalize their needs in an open and honest way. And men must recognize the enormous need on the part of women for security.

Some men feel, "If I told my wife every day that I love her, it wouldn't mean anything anymore." However, loving words spoken sincerely to a wife will always mean something special. If she responds with enthusiasm, you will know instantly that you hit your mark. But some women do not say much or give any visible indication that they heard or understood the words. This doesn't mean the loving expressions weren't needed, however. Some women have been conditioned to hold in their feelings and only seldom respond with an outward display of affection. But such messages will work in her heart. Give her time.

Perhaps your wife knows very well that you appreciate and care for her, but she still needs to hear those words of endearment. I saved one letter from the dozens Harry wrote me during our engagement when miles separated us. Over and over again he wrote, "I love you, I love you, I love you." The words appeared on the front of the letter, the back, and the envelope. I have never tired of reading those words.

One caution .for wives: Some women expect too much attention from their husbands. The mass media—novels, movies, magazines, and television soap operas—have often portrayed a distorted picture of the harsh realities involved in marriage. If the wife compares her husband to the professionally groomed hero on the screen, the husband may most likely fall short. Feelings of frustration, unhappiness, and bitterness can then result. Some women tend to live in a dream world and imagine that one can live on love alone. Although romance is sweet and good, a cake made from nothing but sugar would soon dissolve.