Chapter 1--For Better or for Worse

Ruth Peale, wife of Dr. Norman Vincent Peale, tells of visiting a university classroom. During her lecture, a beautiful, sophisticated, but scornful young woman in the back of the room challenged, "Mrs. Peale, in your remarks you stated that you thought marriage was the greatest career for a woman. In my opinion, marriage is almost finished, and most of us here feel the same way. We don't think it is necessary or even desirable to link yourself sexually to one partner in your early twenties and limit yourself to that one person for the rest of your life. We think it's ridiculous!"

Every eye was riveted on the coed as she continued.' I am sleeping with a fellow that I like. I don't want to marry him, and I don't think he intends to marry me. This is not my first love affair and probably won't be my last. I can't see anything wrong with this. Someday when and if I choose to have a child, I may be forced by society to marry. But until that time I shall not be a part of it. If I ever do choose to marry and the relationship goes bad, I shall not be trapped in it. Mrs. Peale, we are hardly blind. We see what marriage has done to our parents and to others, and we don't like what we see. Do you have a ready answer?"

Each bright face in the room swung around toward Mrs. Peale, who took a deep breath and replied: "Yes, I have an answer, and I'm living it. I consider myself one pf the most fortunate women alive. I am totally married to a man in every sense of the word: physically, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually. We're so close that you couldn't put a knife blade between us. We're not two lonely competing individuals. We are one, and nothing else in life can compare to it. But you'll never experience this. You'll never even come within shouting distance of it if you maintain your present attitudes and code of conduct."

..I don't see why not," the girl countered defensively, but with less conviction. "Why can't a man-woman relationship be just as meaningful outside of marriage as it is in it?"

"Because," Mrs. Peale responded, "it doesn't have the commitment. It doesn't have the permanence. It doesn't have the depth that comes from total sharing, year after year, working together, and knowing you are playing the game for keeps. Do you think we found happiness bb waving a magic wand? No! We fought for it and worked for it. To us marriage wasn't a trap—it is a privilege. And there's quite a difference."

As the class stared silently at Mrs. Peale she concluded: "This country is full of good marriages, but they have to be made to happen. It takes brains and determination, and the job is never finished. When you take the time and effort to make a marriage good, the rewards are just enormous."

The Compleat Marriage

Many couples fall in love, marry, and assume that the job is completed. They tend to feel that everything else will work out automatically. But hardly anything could be further from the truth. A successful marriage does not come spontaneously or by chance. Instead, a happy marriage-the compleat marriage—involves two people working out small difficulties as well as the big ones.

Plato used a ladder to illustrate growth in the marriage relationship. The two upright sides of the ladder stand for the husband and wife, and each rung represents something that draws and holds them together in inseparable companionship. The lowest rung is physical attraction, and the highest rung, pure love for God. Each rung of the ladder depends on the other rungs, and thus all become important in order to maintain the unity of the ladder of a compleat marriage.

Someone has defined marriage as "the total commitment of the total person for a total way of life." Such a definition assumes that a couple will work toward goals that they had in mind when they married.. To marry for convenience, to escape from a bad home situation, or to give a baby a name is not an adequate goal for a successful marriage.

"And they shall be one flesh" (Genesis 2:24) tells, in words as old as the human race, the highest goal in marriage, for marriage is a union of love encompassing all areas of life: physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual.